Raw Is Better Than the Cowboys 9-12-11

I just wanted to see exactly how much hate I could generate. Looks like so far, so good. I am a diehard Eagles fan, so the only thing that makes me happier than Cowboys fans’ misery is- never mind, nothing makes me happier.

So now that I’ve cut a promo that will make me the biggest heel in DFW’s wrestling, it’s time to get serious about Raw. We’ve got rumors of Bret Hart showing up. Who from Smackdown will be there tonight? It’s also possible that the Cowboys special teams center will be there tonight, because he sure wasn’t blocking the Jets. (Zinger #1)

We begin the night with Alberto del Rio. This is perfect. He needs to be the focus. ADR called himself the greatest of the great so we get the best there is, best there was, best there ever will be. Well, that brought out the first man to claim that-Bret Hart. ADR hires Canadians to clean HIS house. As soon as ADR tells Hart something is about to go down, John Cena sucks out all the energy in the crowd by showing up. ADR stands toe-to-toe with Cena instead of walking away. Super Dave Osborne makes a main event of Bret Hart and John Cena versus Ricardo Rodriguez and ADR. This segment was just there for me. It was pretty weak and sounded so scripted. They just sounded like a group of guys reciting lines.

After the commercial, we get Dolph & Swagger vs. Riley & Morrison. There was no entrance for Morrison. The last time I saw my wife that upset was when Romo fumbled the ball on the 3rd yard line. (Zinger#2) Riley pinned Swagger. There was absolutely nothing behind that match. I understand the story. It just didn’t click for me.

Miz knew what we all had witnessed so he gave us a pretty good promo. They walked away from the set and Miz cut his promo on the way to the ring. And then R-Truth, who apparently has WWE Creative channel the writers of Amos & Andy for his material, set African-American characters back 20 years. Kamala was a culturally more evolved character than Truth is right now. They need to find somebody to write for him or let him do his own dialogue.

Miz wrestled Kofi in what was a good match. Both those guys are very solid workers and I’m looking forward to their match. It was well-booked and made sense (in WWE world).

Lawler slammed McGillicutty for being nothing like his father and Otunga for having no charisma. Then Lawler introduced his partner and it was Sheamus. They squashed old Nexus. Wow, that was awful.

Rodriguez & ADR vs. Cena & Hart were again… just there. The crowd must have thought they were going to see a Senators game and found Raw instead. The crowd was awful all night. Bret put Rodriguez in the sharpshooter. Nobody lost any heat.

The 9/11 tribute wasn’t awful except for them pointing out they were the first public gathering. I’ll give them a pass. John Cena did pretty good on that narration.

Then Kelly Kelly and Vickie Guerrero had what best can be called an angle. Swagger hit Dolph and then Vickie got involved and then Kelly pinned her.

Mark Henry cuts a promo. I think we all were happy he didn’t eat the microphone.

We got Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes. The whole point of this was to see Mark Henry sitting on a chair. Cody Rhodes defeated Orton with the facemask. Henry attacked Orton with a chair afterwards. As little as I cared about this match, it sold the PPV, so it deserves credit for that.

Raw ends with HHH. In honor of this angle, Marvel Comics is going to rewrite Civil War so Captain America dies in the first issue. If you got that, you are every bit as nerdy as I. I was at first very underwhelmed with the face off and then it escalated. I have not seen fire from HHH like that in years.

So what did I think? Raw was a one-segment show. I thought way too much time was wasted on Bret Hart and Jerry Lawler. R-Truth needs to have someone who’s written dialogue for an African-American AFTER 1930 write for him. This could be better but it could also be a lot worse.

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