I’m gonna be honest. My expectations for tonight’s Raw are pretty low. Like, “The Mullets” on UPN low. Tonight is going to be a two-hour-plus commercial for Hugh Jackman’s new movie, which looks entirely craptacular. Like Mars Needs Mom competition for the worst box office of the year. There are some questions that need to be answered. Like, how come now that I’ve lost weight, my belt breaks? What is it about Nicole on Las Vegas Jailhouse that just makes you want to break the law in Vegas? How do I get my wife to let me buy a Homicide or Kenny King t-shirt? Too bad none of these questions have to deal with Raw.
I do have some questions on Raw. Why did Miz and R-Truth attack Trips and Punk last night? How will Del Rio react to losing his belt to Super Cena? Who else wants to work for Vickie Guerrero?
We begin with Punk. There is a conspiracy. Trips’ music hits prompting “I wasn’t finished” from CM Punk. Triple-H-Punk reminds me a lot of Sgt. Slaughter-DX. Trips and Punk are then interrupted by Super Dave, who is a stooge. By the end of the night, Leslie Nielsen will uncover who is responsible.
There was an 8-man match where everybody got to do their moves. Sheamus killed David Otunga. Otunga is lower than, well, everything.
HHH tells ADR that he will need to pray.
We get ADR vs. Morrison. This would make a really good feud. ADR was mad. He made Morrison tap out in record time. Today’s lesson: Be nice to Trish Stratus.
Hugh Jackman came out to the crowd and did really well with the live crowd. As he was pimping out his film, he was interrupted by Vickie Guerrero. Dolph refused to shake his hand. It was a fun segment. Ryder>Wolverine. The crowd chants “We want Ryder.”
We got Sin Cara (probably the botcher) versus Cody Rhodes. The other Sin Cara comes out. They fight for a while. It wasn’t a match. At least Cody Rhodes got to come out.
Then Miz and Truth apologized to Triple-H, the WWE Universe and even the Little Jimmies. They get Punk & Cena in the ring.
Mark Henry proved all the nay-sayers wrong. Jim Ross was one of them so he asks him to apologize. Ross does and channels his inner Clair Huxtable and tell him he hates “asskissers” and then attacks JR. The King comes to his rescue and then gets put through a table.
Eve and Kelly Kelly took on Beth & Nattie. Eve pinned Nattie Neidhart. It was pretty awful.
Hugh Jackman chose Zack Ryder to face Dolph Ziggler. The crowd was so ridiculously hot for Ryder. This was the right way to use a celebrity. Jackman looked like he legitimately had fun. Ryder pulled off the upset win and the crowd received exactly what they wanted. Imagine that, WWE. Give the people what they want and they will cheer.
We got a video package on Jack Swagger. We needed one of those. I need to remember why I care about him.
This was a pretty good main event. Cena/Punk vs. Awesome Truth. There was good drama, the 4 of them clicked pretty well together. At the end of the match, Triple H fired Miz and R-Truth. Chaos ensued in the back which lead to an all-out brawl.
It was a really good finish to a Raw that was somewhere between average and good. Maybe a Mike Sanders Raw (“Above Average”). I thought Hugh Jackman added to the product. There is still a mystery and intrigue to Raw. No passes given. I enjoyed myself tonight.