Well, words escaped the end of last week’s Raw. That was one of the most surreal Raws I ever saw. Now it’s time to see how the WWE follows it up. The announcer’s seats are empty. We get a nice perspective of the back area. And we get to start with Triple H. Surprise. And after HHH’s entrance, there’s only 15 minutes left of Raw, so no worries there. The superstars are outside and waiting for HHH to step down. Then he panders worse than Hogan’s cup to the ear thing. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, the Confederate Warrior himself John Cena comes to the ring. We get serious John Cena. He didn’t sound so scripted. And then comes out my Pasty White Hero, Sheamus. He’s still with HHH. Then Punk comes out. He’s still with HHH. He makes a match. Cena vs. Sheamus with Punk on commentary and HHH as ref.
Commercial break. I have been without caffeine for 2 days. Any more Red Robin commercials, I will need to be held down.
After the commercial Vince McMahon comes out. Everyone’s heart sunk. Vince likes watching Raw at home. Board of Directors met about this situation. HHH is no longer running Raw. The new person running Raw is Super Dave Osborne. If I was not doing this review, I would be watching 2 Broke Girls on DVR.
Brian Wilson is on my tv. All of a sudden, Super Dave Osborne isn’t so bad.
Now all the wrestlers are coming back in. John Morrison tells Johnny Ace he sucks. Then he continues his burial tour against Christian. My wife notices Morrison has shaved his face. She acted like I did when Nelson Cruz hit his grand slam. Morrison was squashed. Then Ziggler, Swagger & Rhodes take out Morrison.
Then HHH threatens Super Dave.
Then Randy Orton and Mark Henry had a match. Cody Rhodes interferes. DQ. Mark Henry beats him up a few times. Randy Orton is ridiculously stale.
We had Kelly Kelly & Eve vs. Rosa & Tamina. We’ve still got psycho angry Kelly. Eve pins Tamina. Poor Tamina. Super Dave asks JR to come into the ring. Really? At this point in his career, what are you going to do to JR they haven’t already done? Super Dave is so awful on the mic. He just sounds like he’s reciting a script. He fired JR.
We get Matista & AirBoom vs. Swagger, Ziggler & Otunga. This is the best match of the night so far by default. The highlight was the powerbomb Jack Swagger did on Evan Bourne. I have nothing against Matista/Mason Ryan. He just looks like he couldn’t pass a piss test.
John Cena’s movie looks awful. And I like Ethan Embry.
Punk and Del Rio were fighting until Super Dave stopped it and reinstated Awesome Truth. I stopped caring during this match. I was impressed by what I saw from ADR. The work in this match was really good. I just felt like I was watching House-no show is ever new; I just watch out of habit. Miz/Truth were disqualified and then HHH came to Punk’s rescue.
This is without a doubt the worst Raw I have seen in a long time. This is just as bad as Katie Vick era or the night the nWo started demolishing the Nitro set. The first 15 minutes were brilliant and then it was just like a fart in church from there. They most likely killed drawing in Oklahoma and I would be surprised to see their ratings higher than 2.5. Not saying all hope is lost. But something needs to change.