Raw Is Too Long 11-14-11

Tonight was a 3-hour Raw with The Rock or something.

It began with the Michael Cole challenge. There was a really awful arm wrestling. Then we got to see JR dance. Is there anything they won’t do to him? At this point, Jim Ross needs to tell the WWE to go f*** themselves. Then the final thing was a weighing contest. Then we are saved by CM Punk who rips into Michael Cole. Finally we have the sanest man in wrestling. Johnny Ace makes a match and Eddie Kingston dies inside. CM Punk is RP McMurphy in the insane asylum.

Mick Foley came out of a limo.

We had a pretty decent tag match. Cody Rhodes and Hunico versus Sin Cara and Kofi Kingston. It was a good solid match. The funniest part was that she had to leave the room because she was on the phone and she got distracted because she likes Sin Cara.

The Rock arrived. My wife’s heart fluttered.

Santino pimped the WWE new video game with Zack Ryder.

Vickie Guerrero walked out. Dolph Ziggler would be the new member of Team Barrett.

The Walking Wellness Violation Mason Ryan took on Dolph Ziggler. Vickie interfered and Dolph was dq’d. As Vickie and Dolph ran, John Morrison threw him back in the ring for some roid rage.

Mick Foley got to do the “Woo woo woo, you know it” thing with Zack Ryder. Then he walked out before the adoring crowd. Foley wants people to cheer John Cena. Then Foley invites John Cena to the ring. They went back to This is Your Life? Foley is one of my favorite all time on the mic. (Punk, Funk, Heyman, Dusty, Flair) Why did they have to have to do something so unoriginal? It was fun seeing Bull Buchanan. Then they brought out John Cena, Sr. I will never complain about Bob Orton Sr. after seeing that travesty.

We got Jack Swagger getting mugged by Sheamus. It wasn’t that bad of a match. Swagger now is my cue to play Civilization IV.

The Bellas would rather have Alberto Del Rio than Zack Ryder.

There was a video package of Kelly Kelly’s photo shoot. Due to me not being 12, I could care less.

Kelly Kelly pinned Nattie Neidhart in record time. Alicia Fox looked really hot in her dress. But don’t worry, AJ, you’re still the center of my Divas universe.

Super Dave and ADR argue about something. Matt Striker is standing by with R-Truth and Miz. I think Miz was just wearing random outfits that didn’t matter whether they matched or not.

As Punk was walking out to the ring, ADR attacked him. Ugh, why is Punk walking around by himself?

Alberto Del Rio walks out and I just gotta say Ricardo Rodriguez is one of my favorite things on WWE TV. We had ADR/Henry vs. Big Show/Punk. Punk apparently had some spinach or something. He came out and wanted ADR. This made me intrigued with this match for the first time ever. I thought they had some pretty decent things going on in this match. Big Show-Henry was no Chikara action, but I am looking forward to this match. ADR won and then put Punk in the arm breaker. Big Show came to his rescue. Decent build-up.

Santino Marella came out and cut a cute promo. Then Kevin Nash came out; everybody died inside except Jim Cornette. At least it wasn’t a big name he destroyed.

Michael Cole was doing the video game hard sell and my wife the nurse pointed out he wasn’t even wearing his sling right.

Looks like they’re serious about Wade Barrett again. It was a decent match, but it was SO predictable.

Then The Rock came out and rambled. Fortunately for us, with The Rock, it never seems like rambling. Then Miz and Truth came out and held their own against The Rock, and then John Cena came out. They forgot the TV-PG part for a minute. It was just ok for me.

I didn’t entirely hate this Raw. The first segment made me want to close my eyes and dream of Chikara. But it went better as time went on. I’m thinking “thumbs in the middle.”

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